Guarding your heart is one of the most important things we can do. Whatever is in your heart will eventually come out…especially when you are under stress and/or feel “squeezed.”

It is very important in your marriage and/or other significant relationships that you realize that however you feel and what you say does not come out unless IT is ALREADY there.

It is quite natural to default to the old standard, “Well you bring it out of me…!” But the real question is: “Why is it there in the first place?” We are all experts on monitoring our partner’s behaviors, but how often do we really stop and monitor what is really in our own heart.

This week’s challenge is designed for you to guard your heart. You will be challenged to stop for about 60 seconds, feel, identify and call out what is in your heart.

Your challenge is:

  1. Each day this week if you become bothered about something regarding your spouse/significant other/friend, before you speak: stop (for about 60 seconds) and ask yourself what you are feeling.
  2. Give that feeling a specific name (i.e. anger, left-out, embarrassed, unappreciated, ugly, unloveable, inadequate, old, stupid, lonely, abandoned, scared, out-of-control, betrayed, picked-on, jealous, disrespected, insecure, etc.)
  3. Now before you say what you would have typically said, instead say, “I feel name of your feeling. Yes, you make yourself vulnerable, but say it out-loud anyway.
  4. If you are doing this challenge with your partner, if they say this to you. Your respond by ONLY saying, “Thank you so much for sharing that with me.” AND do not say anything else no matter how much you want to.

This exercise will be particularly challenging for men as we have difficulty with really monitoring our hearts…and even more difficulty doing it quickly. The typical man will say, “I am angry or I am frustrated” and that is it. But if you really want the best relationship possible, you have to go deeper and ask, “Why do I feel angry?” (Use the list of emotions above) This will reveal the true answer. I feel angry because…I feel unappreciated…or I feel disrespected…or I feel inadequate, etc.

Lastly, please note if you are doing this and your spouse/significant other is not, why you say, “I feel your specific emotion’s name,” instead of your typical comeback or response, you could get a negative response. For example, you say, “I feel disrespected” and they say, “Well if you stop being such a dreamer, maybe there would be something to respect.” Remember, your spouse’s words came out of their heart (unguarded as it may be), not yours. The real secret of this exercise is that when you call out the NAME of the emotion you are feeling it can no longer control you. Its power over you ceases. It’s the bringing it into the light that removes the darkness it possesses. Be patient, trust God and remember, you can best help improve your relationship (although not necessarily overnight) by above all things…guarding your heart.