Uncategorized – Jon Bender

The Power of Blessing Your Children

Jon Bender — Wed, 04 Jul 2018 14:11:04 +0000

Blessing Your Children/Family

A blessing is different from a prayer.

As parents, it is critically important for us to ask God’s blessing over our children DAILY.

Although Christians have been given a method/formula in how to pray by Jesus…The Lord’s Prayer…found in the Gospel of Matthew 6:9–13, it may not be as clear how to ask for God’s blessing. However, here is a popular, yet ancient, method of how to ask for God’s blessing. You may have heard of an example of asking for God’s blessing found in 1 Chronicles 4:9-10 referred to as the “Prayer of Jabez” made popular by the book The Prayer of Jabez: Breaking Through to the Blessed Life, an inspirational book published in 2000 by Bruce Wilkinson as the first book in the “BreakThrough” book series. This provides a good template for asking for God’s blessing over someone. My version of how to do this is below.

Here is what I have used for years while usually physically holding/touching my sons or daughter, “Father God, I ask You to bless my beautiful son, Alex, in a powerful way. Father God I ask for your super-natural blessing over this boy. I ask that You cause him to grow in a way today, God, that is pleasing to You and that he becomes more of the servant You have created him to be. I ask that Your hand be on him and show him great favor. I ask that You give him a sword and shield to protect against and to fight-off any deception, any infliction or infirmity that would otherwise keep away from your will Father. I ask that You give Him Your wisdom and peace today. Father I ask for Your blessing in Your precious son Jesus’ name. Amen!”

Regardless of how you ask God to bless your children (and/or your spouse, your extended family, your business and etc.), it is important that you do it every day YOU would like to SEE THEM BLESSED. Of course, you can skip the days where you don’t want them blessed. (Just kidding. This is why I suggest everyday.)

This week’s challenge is designed for you to bless your children. If you do not have children to ask a blessing over, may I suggest you ask for God’s blessing over your parents and/or siblings.

Your challenge is:

Each day this week ask for God’s blessing over each one of your children/grand-children. Speak this blessing out loud and into the air. (Be loud and clear…do not be without passion…say it as though you expect God to release his favor upon your children/grand-children.) Again if you do not have children to ask a blessing over, maybe ask for God’s blessing over your parents and/or siblings instead.
If they are grown or out of the house, pick AT LEAST one day (more is better) that YOU CALL THEM up and while on the phone with them (always BETTER in PERSON) just ask if they are okay if you ask for God’s blessing over them. (If you are saying, they would never do that. Please read below.)
GET READY – THIS IS THE HARD ONE – if you have never had your mom and/or dad say a blessing over you “live and in person” while you were there in front of them, if they are still living, call them on the phone and say, “Mom/Dad, I am part of a group of men and women focusing on gratitude who are committed to becoming our personal best week-after-week. This week’s assignment is to ask if you would ask God’s blessing over me while we are on the phone…mom/dad I know it is a little weird, but could you please do that for me?” When they say, how do I do that? Just tell them, “…you are just supposed to ask God to bless me in whatever way God puts on your heart.” Keep asking until they say yes. This is so important. Don’t let DECEPTION steal this opportunity away from you. NO MATTER what their faith or lack thereof, ask them to do this and let GOD take over from there. Let us all know what happens!!When I asked my dad to do this, after thinking I was some kind of cyclops or something weirder, he reluctantly agreed. As he started, his voice began to quiver and then he paused and choked back tears as he finished. Very powerful. And even though we didn’t talk about it too much after, I know we both will remember it as something both special and powerful the rest of our lives. Don’t miss this chance if they are still around!

This is going to be extremely challenging for those of you who have estranged relationships from your children/adult children/parents, but DO IT ANYWAY. Remember, part of having grateful wealth is being the BEST you were created to be…REGARDLESS of how painful or difficult. Make the decision to do whatever it takes to SUCCEED AT THIS CHALLENGE. DO NOT FAIL HERE. NO EXCUSES!

Lastly, I want to encourage you to extend this challenge to include your business! You might be amazed at how HE releases His favor. Remember, God is ALWAYS ON TIME! So if you don’t get what appears to be a miraculous change in your business or relationship with your son/daughter/grandchild etc, please know that asking God to bless them is not going in vain and will prove to make an incredible impact…at the exact perfect time!

How To Stay Grateful! Keep Your Tank Full!

Jon Bender — Sat, 24 Mar 2018 05:10:00 +0000

What fills your tank?

You have an emotional tank. It has a funnel that fills it and it has a drain that drains it. When your emotional tank is filled you are at your best. It is easy to be more grateful!

What fills your tank and what drains your tank?

Take a minute and get a piece of paper and a pen. Draw a square that represents your “well being” tank. Now draw a funnel that feeds into it from above and a tube out of the bottom that drains it. Things we experience daily either fill or drain our emotional tank. Psychologists have shown that when your emotional tank is filled to 100% you are at your best and being grateful is easy. When your tank drops to 75% full, you tend to experience anxiety and overwhelm and being grateful is much more difficult; at 50%, you have an emotional breakdown and at 25% a nervous breakdown and being grateful for most is virtually impossible. If this is even remotely true, the key then is to keep your tank full as close to 100% as possible.

So the question is: what fills your tank and what drains your tank?

For me, it is pretty easy to answer what fills and drains my tank. How about for you? Can you list 5 things that you know fills your tank…5 things you are grateful for? Can you list 5 things that you know drain your tank?

Does your daily rhythm (your normal routine) typically fill or drain you? Do you even have a daily rhythm that you can readily identify? If not, what would be necessary for you to get into a rhythm that is filling your tank? Yes I know you don’t have time, but what if you made the time? What if you decided you couldn’t afford (especially for those around you) for your tank to get any lower than it already is.

Here’s the secret to a more grateful fuller tank.

Have you heard of Dr. Stephen Covey’s famous term of “Sharpening the axe?” This term came from a little story about two woodcutters who challenged and bet each other to see who can cut down more trees in one day. At daybreak, the first one began furiously chopping down trees. He worked up a sweat and by noon had cut down sixteen trees. The other woodcutter only cut down four, because he took the first two hours to sharpen his axe. As he sharpened it, his challenger laughed at him knowing he was doomed to lose the bet with all that wasted and unproductive time.

That’s when things got interesting. By early afternoon, the first woodcutter’s strength (his tank) was starting to wane. It took him almost an hour to cut down one tree, all the while his challenger was picking up speed. How could this be? Certainly he was as strong as strong as the challenger. Unfortunately, strength wasn’t the most important thing anymore. It was all about whose axe was sharper. (i.e. tank was fuller) The sharper the axe – the quicker the trees came down. (i.e. the ability to stay grateful) By late afternoon, the second woodcutter who sharpened his axe had passed up his challenger by several trees and won easily. It seemed like such a waste of time to sharpen the axe earlier that day, but eventually, it had proved not only to save him time, it had brought him winning results.

In Ecclesiastes 10:10 it says: “If the axe is dull and he does not sharpen its edge, then he must exert more strength. Wisdom has the advantage of giving success.”

Your challenge is:

STEP 1 – Write out 5 things that you are grateful for and that YOU KNOW fill your tank…these “sharpen your axe.”
STEP 2 – Write out 5 things that YOU KNOW drain your tank.
Recognize if you are in a “season” of over abundance or a season of drainage (being miserable) or neither.
If you are in a relationship, share this list with your spouse or significant other and discuss how you can spend more time helping fill the other person’s tank…especially if either or both of you are in a “season” of drainage.
STEP 3 – Find away to change your daily rhythm this week by doing some of the 5 things to fill your tank and fewer of 5 things that drain your tank.
Reflect each night before going to bed on how you did in “sharpening your axe” by filling your tank. Also, reflect on if you provided an environment to help fill your spouse’s or significant other’s tank.

How To Save Your Marriage…Permanently!

Jon Bender — Tue, 16 Jun 2015 03:19:14 +0000

Which Is It? Happiness Or Holiness When It Comes To How To Save Your Marriage?

Gary Thomas writes in his best-selling book, Sacred Marriage, “The idea that marriage can survive on romance alone, or that romantic feeling is more important than any other consideration when choosing a spouse, has wrecked many a marital ship.” If your marriage is struggling or certainly not where you want it to be, how to save your marriage must start from a completely different place.

In my podcast last week, I talked about how easy and natural it is for all of us to point our love “arrows” inwardly and seek love for ourselves rather than outwardly pointing them as exampled by our creator. This is nowhere more evident than in relationships especially marriage. How many times have you heard someone say or perhaps have even said yourself, “I am just not feeling it anymore.” “They have changed” or “I have changed.” “I do so much more than they do…” “It’s just not fair.” If you have ever heard or said these words, there is a strong chance that the relationship is not built on a solid foundation.

When you start to feel this way and/or your “romantic feelings” are slipping away and if you believe and follow popular philosophy as dispensed in TV shows, magazines, and talk shows, you might find it easy to say, “Well if I feel this way…they must not really be my soul-mate.” The idea that a healthy marriage is based at any time upon how you feel does indeed set you up for a martial ship wreck and is not how to save your marriage. Here is the reason. Biblical love is based upon commitment, not feelings. Can you imagine if God loved us based upon how HE felt about us at any given moment? I don’t know about you, but for me, I might be in a heap of trouble. Furthermore, the concept of “grace” would be totally thrown out the window as well.

I like what Gary Thomas says when he poses this question, “What if God designed marriage to make us Holy more than to make us happy?” Okay, I can hear you saying “…well that’s a real encouraging question…and anyway, I just want to be happy!” Well if you want to become happy…really happy then become Holy! To understand how, we need to look at the definition of the word, Holy. Simply put, Holy means “dedicated and devoted unconditionally to” another …most often God as in a Holy man. However, if you were Holy in your love for your spouse, you would put their needs above that of your own. In other words, you would love them unconditionally. That especially means loving them when it isn’t fair…when they don’t deserve it and when the score card is 1000 to 1 when comparing your giving to their giving. You might say, “Why should I love them unconditionally?” The answer is easy. Because that is how God loves you. He loves you regardless of how many times you screw up. Regardless of how many times you are disrespectful. Regardless of how many times you are self-consumed. Little-by-little…when we experience (are aware of) His incredible and unconditional love, we begin to change. We slowly and gradually want to do more for Him and to become more pleasing to Him. This is exactly what happens when your spouse experiences YOUR “true” unconditional love. Even the hardest-of-hearts (often under the greatest deception) are…over time… returned to their unhardened state when they are bathed in unconditional love. You may have heard it said that love conquers all…and it is so true. This is how you save your marriage…the more holy you are in your love for your spouse the better your marriage will become permanent.

This week we want to focus on seeking to understand our spouses and then loving them unconditionally. You want to fight as hard to understand them, as you fight to be understood by them. To learn more on how to do this, please see my blog post on guarding your heart. This means that you will have to extend them the courtesy of the benefit-of-the-doubt and seek to understand why they are saying or doing what they are saying or doing. This also means you will love them unconditionally no matter what even though they may not DESERVE it. When you find yourself saying, “Why am I doing this?” Just quietly whisper to yourself, “Because HE (God) loves me this way too…even though I don’t deserve it either.” Then, compose yourself, ask for God’s strength and favor and continue to love unconditionally. Plus, know that this is how you save your marriage permanently and ultimately make it 100 x better.

Ask God to cover you supernaturally this week. Ask Him to give you supernatural patience and protection against deception and anger. Ask Him to give you a double or triple portioning of His intended favor as you commit yourself to giving 100% unconditional love and understanding.
Don’t react! Stop count to 10 and ask yourself what is really going on behind the words or actions before you even think about speaking. Seek to understand no matter how wronged you “feel.”
Ask yourself, “How can I love him/her even more…even though I have just heard him/her say or do this or that?”
Remember why you are doing this. This is how you save your marriage and turn it around for both YOU and YOUR spouse…not to mention everyone else in your family who loves you.
Lastly, a recent study reported in Dr. Phil’s book, Relationship Rescue, found that the divorce rate among faith-based people and non-faith-based people was about the same a little over 50%. Yet the same report found that for couples who prayed together daily, the divorce rate in this group was…get ready…1 in 10,000. What if it turned out that the most powerful form of intimacy is not having sex together, but instead praying together…how could this transform the world?